in the Trader Joe's parking lot

The line: "My name's Lee, I'm 49, I'm single, no wife, no kids... where you goin?"

What I Heard: "Please let me flood you with unsolicited information about myself so I seem non-threatening and you stop to talk to me."

Why It's Wack: You must think I came here looking for someone to take home and cook for. While your vitals are fascinating, your attempt at transparency makes me pretty sure you're probably hiding something. Something big. Like an STD or a penchant for chopping women into tiny pieces and hiding us in the frozen food section next to the pizzas.

I Think What You Meant Was: "Maybe if I make myself seem really available, you won't notice that this is a parking lot and I haven't bathed in a few days."

Next time, try: Striking up a conversation by the yogurt or the salad mix. Save the life story for when you've cooked me dinner and I've asked you some questions about yourself.